How to Keep Someone From Feeling Attacked
Use these three tips to prevent someone from feeling attacked: 1) Start with 'When I hear you say that,' to clarify your reaction, 2) Use 'It's a me thing' to show the reaction is personal, and 3) Ask for their help to make the conversation collaborative.
What You Can Say
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To prevent someone from feeling attacked during a conversation, use these three strategies: 1) Begin with 'When I hear you say that,' to explain your reaction without implying criticism, 2) Use 'It's a me thing' to indicate the reaction is personal, and 3) Ask for their help to make the conversation collaborative.
To avoid making someone feel attacked, start with 'When I hear you say that,' to clarify your reaction. Use 'It's a me thing' to show the reaction is personal, and ask for their help to make the conversation collaborative.
Use these three tips: 1) Start with 'When I hear you say that,' 2) Use 'It's a me thing,' and 3) Ask for their help to make the conversation collaborative.
To prevent someone from feeling attacked, start with 'When I hear you say that,' to explain your reaction. Use 'It's a me thing' to show it's personal, and ask for their help to make the conversation collaborative.
To avoid making someone feel attacked, start with 'When I hear you say that,' to clarify your reaction. Use 'It's a me thing' to show the reaction is personal, and ask for their help to make the conversation collaborative.
To keep someone from feeling attacked, start with 'When I hear you say that,' to explain your reaction. Use 'It's a me thing' to show it's personal, and ask for their help to make the conversation collaborative.
Why It Works
These strategies work by clarifying your reaction without blaming the other person, showing the reaction is personal, and making the conversation collaborative instead of confrontational.
What Not to Say
- Avoid blaming the other person by using phrases like 'you're always doing this' or 'you never listen.'
- Avoid making assumptions about their intentions, like 'you're trying to attack me.'
- Avoid being confrontational by not using accusatory language or direct criticism.
Situation-Based Advice
When giving feedback
During a disagreement
In a work setting
When discussing sensitive topics
In personal relationships
Key Takeaways
- Use 'When I hear you say that' to clarify your reaction without blaming them.
- Use 'It's a me thing' to show the reaction is personal.
- Ask for their help to make the conversation collaborative.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do people feel attacked during conversations?
People feel attacked when they think their intentions are being misunderstood or criticized. Using phrases like 'When I hear you say that' helps clarify your reaction without blaming them.
How can I prevent someone from feeling attacked?
Use 'When I hear you say that' to explain your reaction, 'It's a me thing' to show it's personal, and ask for their help to make the conversation collaborative.
What should I say if I feel attacked during a conversation?
Respond with 'When I hear you say that' to clarify your reaction. If the situation escalates, use 'It's a me thing' to show it's personal, and ask for their help to make the conversation collaborative.
Can these strategies work in a work setting?
Yes, these strategies are effective in work settings for giving feedback, discussing sensitive topics, or during disagreements. They help maintain professionalism and prevent misunderstandings.
What if the other person still feels attacked despite using these strategies?
If the other person still feels attacked, it may be due to deeper issues or miscommunication. Continue using the strategies and consider having a more open dialogue to understand their perspective.
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You can get 'The Next Conversation' by visiting thenextconversation.com or your favorite retailer. To receive a free link, comment 'book' and the author will send it to you.
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Avoid starting conversations with 'we need to talk' as it triggers fear and defens, use open-ended questions instead.
How can I improve my difficult conversations and avoid arguments?
To improve difficult conversations, ask yourself two key questions before engaging: 1) What am I trying to win? 2) What's the value I want to use? Focus on connection over winning arguments, use assertive communication, and avoid over-apologizing. When faced with rude comments, ask for clarification to shift the focus. Be direct and honest to foster meaningful dialogue.
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Use three comebacks to maintain integrity when faced with insults or hurtful remarks: ask how they feel, express surprise at their comment, or question their intent. These responses give them a chance to clarify or change their words without you having to respond directly.